Today was a hard day: Toby has been getting thinner and weaker, day by day. I turned the dining room into a place for him, box near the stove, litter box, everything. For the first time in 11 years he let me pat him, even to the point of purring. All winter he slept by the woodstove in his own cardboard box and fluffy blanket.
Then he started getting weaker and thinner, and yesterday was the first day I had been able to pick him up, in eleven years. And today we went to the vet where they gently put him to sleep. We buried him out in the garden.
But when I came in and went looking for Charlie, I found him viewing me with a huge amount of distrust and serious anger. He'd have nothing to do with me. I had taken away his only friend, his bonded buddy. Right now he's hiding somewhere, he'll have nothing to do with any humans.
Charlie is one of those cats who seems to have one paw in the human world. It's eerie. When I came home some years back from a kidney operation, that first night I spent on the recliner, because adhesions. I looked down to see Charlie marching toward me, (he loves sleeping with his human in the recliner) and I thought, oh no...he generally does the cat ballet, washing all of him and part of me, doing that kick-kick-kick thing that they do, just to get comfy. At least twice. But this time he just sat, and inspected the human, and gently climbed up onto a spot just above my knees, and slept there for six solid hours. He knew something was different. He is bloody psychic.
And I realized that this was his buddy, his bath buddy, the cat that loved to be groomed, and they would curl up with each other. In his own way, he's grieving. I grieve with him.
So sorry, Judy. This is very hard, and more so when another animal is baffled and grieving.
ReplyDeleteIt's harder on him, I think, since all he knows is that his best cat buddy isn't here and it's my fault. They know when a friend has gone missing, or an enemy. They connect in ways that to me are almost other-worldly.
ReplyDeleteYears ago my big (15 lbs) old yellow cat found himself with a soul mate when I brought home a willing stray who loved to ride in cars...and then when I took Pi to the vet to be neutered, Marigold spent the entire evening (in those days those were overnighter visits) pacing and meowing, and finally came to rest in my lap for at least two hours. ( Try holding a sack of flour on your lap that long.) All feeling disappears very quickly. I thought the next day there would be a joyful reunion, but what I saw was, "oh, you're back." and that was that.
This morning when I got up Charlie forgot himself for a moment and came rushing in to see me, hesitated, and went downstairs. sigh.
You had a rough day too. Im sorry about the knife attack, maybe just put off using that hand too strenuously for a few days. It takes longer, I've noticed, for things to heal than it used to. For some strange reason. =)
that is the part that may sound so odd to anyone who has not lived with cats. yes, they (the cats, that is) are complete total and utter jerks, but they love HARD! it is heartbreaking not only saying goodbye to them, but i swear it hurts even more to see the cat that is left behind struggling to come to terms with the new arrangement.
ReplyDeletewe are taking Mama Kitty to the vet later today to be put to sleep. the Little One knows that something is not right, as she has been tiptoeing around Mama for the past few weeks. but it won't sink in until food/snack time, when she usually stands at the end of the hall, and waits for Mama to show up before digging in to eat. and i already know that it will end with me in tears.
i will miss your stories of Toby and his resistance to being loved, but it definitely sounds like he acknowledged and appreciated all of your effort in the end. and give Charlie a big hug for me (when you are allowed back within hugging distance of him).
Oh, i hear that. I do know one thing. the Little One will know when she's gone, they have that amazing sense of each other that transcends almost anything else.
ReplyDeleteCharlie has forgiven us, and after a day or so he realized he wasn't next on the list which relaxed him greatly.
I'm glad Toby did finally come around, even if it took all this time. I think he wanted to, long ago but just couldn't put his feet in the water. There is that much.