Thursday, May 24, 2018
Thirteen Things to drive a burglar crazy
Just for fun, I like to dream up different ways to make a burglar very very nervous...use separately or in combination.
1. Take two old spoons, and hang them by a string over a nail on the inside of the entry door. Make sure the spoons can hit each other when the door opens. They have a reverb that goes on forEVER.
2. If you're going away for a few days spread a thin coat of marbles on the entryway floor
3. Tiny bells on every door, way up high
4. A tape recording of a small dog saying, "wuf" and then a voice upstairs saying, "did you hear something?"
5. A switch that, when activated after dark, turns on the lights in the room for about 5 seconds, and then turns them out. Lather, rinse, repeat at varying intervals.
6. Open the door, close the door behind you, and it locks. Then you hear the sound of a growly dog padding along...
7. wind chimes. Everyone LOVES windchimes. Not. Hang one of the more offensive ones (the kind with a huge reverb) directly on the inside of the door. Any door.
8. strategically place squeaky toys in front of all the doors. many many toys.
9. rig up a trip wire that, when hit or crossed, alerts the local police, and releases a veritable blizzard of small bits of paper...
10. there is always the pail over the door filled with the beverage of your choice...
11. A trip wire that activates a recording of Black Sabbath. Loud. Very very loud. Neighbors tend to notice stuff like that.
12. Big damp sponges on the floor. NO one likes to step on big damp Somethings in the dark. "oh my god, was WAS that...yeeewww"
13. Coat all the doorknobs with vaseline
New Thursday13
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#1 sounds like a cheap shop bell. Most of the rest would probably just backfire on me. Though I do like Black Sabbath.
ReplyDeleteI make wind chimes, Alice, out of found material, which means sound is key to this: i've tried all kinds of combinations, some of which are surprisingly elegant, and some of which are deafening. Forks and spoons clanging against each other is so far removed from a shop bell...the sound just echoes and echoes...
Deletebut even a cheap shop bell in a quiet dark house can make for a hell of a noise, especially if you're trying to sneak in...
Wow. That was rather unexpected. But incredibly interesting. Now I want to know WHY you think about this.
ReplyDeletewell, why not, lol. We live in an isolated area, and now and then burglars (usually local-but-strange) will scope out houses that look as if the owners were 'away'.
DeleteAnd I was just idly thinking about what would be just goofy enough to drive a burglar (read: already nervous about breaking into a house) a bit MORE nervous: unexpected sounds, anything to break his concentration, or his desire to burglargize a place...
My odds-on favorite is the lights-on lights-off effect. Someone who is using street lights and waiting for his night vision to kick in is NOT going to like all the lights coming on at once, and then going out. Just long enough so he can almost get his bearings in the dark, and then have it happen again.
A lot of it has to do with what you would be least willing to encounter in a strange house...
Home Alone? I like the recording and the light switching on and off.
ReplyDeleteIf I had to deal with that, as a burglar, I would ease on out (carefully avoiding the squeaky toys) and give up a life of crime forever...
ReplyDeleteAll good ones JT. Simple's best.
ReplyDeletethank you, mr. L, if you wanted to add any suggestions, now's the place for it
DeleteHello from Idaho and these are good...But anthor one is to ask the burglar if they need help looking for an items.
ReplyDeleteIf you fine the time stop in for a cup of coffee
(waves at Dora), I LIKE that idea, but it might get a bit dicey if he's at all nervous-and-armed...
DeleteFor nosy guests, fill the medicine cabinet with marbles...
ReplyDeleteoh I never thought of that one. I don't have that much company, but I always thought a wee bell (or a cracking BIG one) on the inside of the box would be useful, too.
DeleteThat makes me laugh. All those marbles, rolling, rolling...
i started reading your list, and all i could think was, "coat the door handles with something gooey and slippery, like Crisco". luckily i put my water down before i got to number thirteen, or i would be choking between the laughter.
ReplyDeletethis is my sort of list. nothing is going to stop them from clearing out the place if that is their intent, but just make it frustrating enough up front that they might think twice and go back home.
Lol thanks, n.
DeleteI always think of small time burglars as nervous men, slightly desperate; and frankly the idea of invading a strange house in the dark seems like a torture from Dante.
Why not make it just that much harder, by greasing those doorknobs (great minds, lady) or giving them the light show or a mystery damp to walk into...
and yes, I grin as I think of some nervous little man trying to get out of a house where all the door knobs are greased, the snuffy dog is coming, and the lights keep flashing on and off...
It's enough to make a man go straight. =)
First time reader -- Couldn't help but think about Home Alone when I was reading this -- a classic! I loved the wet sponges best! Also, I second the use of Crisco or even peanut butter on the door knobs! Thanks for the laugh -- I mean tips! Mona
ReplyDelete(Waves at Mona)
Deletegood to see you here, thanks for the comments
glad to know you enjoyed them. It's fun dreaming those things up in a kind of 'what will happen next..." way