Friday, May 6, 2016

The minefield called "Mother's Day"

I got email today from a site I visit regularly,  suggesting that if I want to send my mother a pretty gift, sign up here...

It sort of took me off balance,  I don't really remember ever getting this kind of email solicitation before,  and I found it disturbing and invasive.  Not sure why.   And later today nearly the same thing happened at another site, suddenly there's a big old drop down window covering the screen,  suggesting that I might like to do "something nice" for "mom".

Part of the disturbing aspect is the assumption on the part of what amounts to total strangers that 1), you have a mother, 2), you actually need to be reminded that you have one, and 3)., they are all too willing to let you spend your guilt money at their site.

My mother's been dead for 17 years.  I doubt if I need to send her a card, a gift, or a greeting.  We were not always on the best of terms anyway,  and it's the assumption that we are/were that scalds me.  I keep thinking of those people who are still struggling with loss, suddenly being smacked in the face with one of these guilt laden invitations.  ouch.


  1. Yes, that day is a mine field, if you didn't have a good relationship with your biological mother, but ... there have been women in my life, one in particular, and she could not have children, that was a beacon of light for me, because of her positive way.
    of approaching problems, and her encouragement to venture out in my "dreams." She was more of a mother to me than my own, because she had some "issues" in life - nothing to do with me.

    Now I came here, to visit everyone who has contributed to SEASONS -but I'm not sure you did (similar url?) But I'm glad I did, to tell you to see the past in another light. When we can't get along with someone, it's a two way street. Forgive yourself for your part, and move on:)
    The person I spoke about, I met when I was 24, but you may meet that kind of person even when you're 63:)
    Have a great weekend ans wish you a happier life!

  2. thanks for posting here, and yes, I did comment on Seasons. Im glad you dropped by, too. Always nice to see a new face.

    Oh, I don't blame myself for my mother, lol, and there's really nothing to forgive. She had her own issues, and I suspect being an unwilling mother didnt help any. Her sister was my birthmother, and knowing both of them I could see a lot of family history being played out with me as the hockey puck. =)
    It happens. Im probably sturdier for it, and that's cool.
    But mother's day, as you say, is a mine field, riddled with guilt on both sides often.
    It always feels as if someone is shouting in your good ear about it.

    Be well, and don't be strangers...

  3. Did you see the movie "Minority Report" with Tom Cruise. I remember the invasive ads that popped up everywhere they went and thought it was science fiction but now it is becoming real!

  4. Yep it is. I suppose since many people no longer watch TV on a box in the living room they have to sell products anyway they can. Sometimes Science Fiction/movies mirror reality, and sometimes they presage it.

    The really scary part is, how accurate it can be at times.