Thursday, January 17, 2019

If I Ruled the World T13

I would surely ban

1.  Clowns

2. Mimes

3.  Barbershop quartets

4. Female barbershop quartettes

5. People who finish your sentences with you

6. Alvin and the chipmunks

7. Christmas novelty songs

8. Christmas that decks the shelves before Halloween

9.  People who sing along with operas AT the opera...

10. comb-overs (bald is sexy.  Comb marks are not)

11. flavored coffees (ask first)

12.  People who can't wait to tell you the ending of the book you just started,
       or the movie they've seen and you are half way through...

13.  Those tiny marshmallows they put in hot chocolate


Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Calgon, take me away...

And now that we are offically into winter (apparently December was the practice room) there is, for all us fuel burners, the new and endless worry, of 'what if..."

Last year in March I looked up from the last  stack of wood and realized that it was the omg last stack. With March barely begun, and April rubbing its hands together and snickering evilly,  I began to regret giving up on stacking that last two rows the previous fall.  There are, to be honest, several pieces of old but not antique furniture in the attic, big wobbly monstrosities just begging to be turned into firewood. Yessah.

Instead, we started loading up the Bobcat bucket with damp cold wet and I do mean wet wood, chipped out of the frozen snowy wood pile outside.  He would drop it on the shed floor, and I'd drag it in, one armload at a time, to dry beside the stove or even IN it (what a friend of mine calls 'kiln dried wood'), trying to balance that with what was left of the nice dry stuff.    Call it a learning experience.

Since our wood usage usually covers all of May and some of June (global warming where ARE you, dear),  this year I thought I'd try to reverse the process.  This was an amazingly rainy summer, the wood barely dried at all, and I was forced into stacking wood that was less than as dry as it should be (I'd have fired me on the spot, if I had caught me doing that), And by mid October it was obvious dry wood was not going to be an option.  So. We did the 'early in March' thing, threw it all in, dry or not, and stacked it.  Took all of October and November to use it, since it was never truly dry, and kiln-dried took on new meaning.   Trouble is, the wood behind it has picked up a lot of that dampness, and there are damp mildewy patches on THAT.  It is now mid-January, and we have two fierce months ahead of us. At least.
I did the math on "what would have happened if..." and realize that right now, right now, we would be three rows closer to the far wall, and two rows away from no more wood inside.

A little tickly voice keeps saying, yes but, you DO have that nice wet wood outside, so you  aren't out of wood, right?

Thursday, January 10, 2019

The Magic of Passwords


yesterday I somehow hit a 'log out' button in the wilds of Google, and then hit a 'reset" button,  and was suddenly faced with the computer equivalent of a SWAT Team.  They needed a password.  I gave them the old password. 
Nope.   We need the last password you used. Nope. Try again.  Now I'm beginning to sweat.  Google, games, Yahoo Mail, Blogger and Word Press are somehow inexplicably linked to each other by this password.

It's like dropping the key to your house in a snowbank and hearing the door slam, the windows automatically lock, the car won't start, and the dog is trapped in the car.   And you're wearing fuzzy blue slippers and a green robe.  

They finally asked me to make a new password, and after three tries they accepted it.  Seeing as how it's the one they just refused, I was quite pleased.    Later that day I got a panic stricken email from Yahoo saying that my password had been changed.  you could see the muzzles of rifles sliding out from the patrol car.

And just now Google emailed me to suggest that my Password may have been compromised, it was changed yesterday...

Sunday, January 6, 2019

The Vacuum Wars

My not-very-old Kenmore Vacuum quit yesterday in mid-vacuum so that the motor in the machine died but not the motor in the floor brush.  I could still vacuum, but it just picked the stuff up and tossed it into the air, like confetti. Wheee

Problem #1:  Kenmore is Sears. Sears is no longer.

aha, I thought, I have my MIL's not-very-used Eureka (which she refused to pronounce, because it was foreign, and called it an Areka) and one remaining bag.

Problem #2:  you can order the bags online, from the store, and pick them up the next day, but it appears that they are no longer 3.98 per three pack, but 8 dollars each.

The instructions on the bag gently suggest that it  "should be changed every month or so".  Excuse me.  I have two cats, an old dust-bunny of a house,  and burn wood.  Maybe one ROOM each time...

My husband, however, is a math person,  meaning he likes his problems solved.  He spent considerable computer time hunting down bags for this, and suddenly said, "hey...Amazon sells a cloth bag for that thing."   (a silent cheer went up).   By next week I will be the proud owner of a for real cloth bag that will probably fit.   And my excuses (Oh, damn I just ran out of bags again) have evaporated.

(insert snoopy dance of joy of your choice here)


Thursday, January 3, 2019

The Curmudgeon Returns T13

1.  Not everyone likes Starbucks. Really.

2.  Not everyone LOVES almond flavoring (or anything else) in their coffee

3.  Don't tell someone "What you really need is..." and then walk off in disgust when they don't oblige your ego.

4.  I'm not offended by someone holding a door for me, but not when Im forced into a vicious trot to reach the door in time...

5.  Parents who think it's adorable to let their precocious 6 year old read the menu and order from it. While the waitress waits and waits and waits...

6.  Food companies who play games with the pricing. (coffee in three different amounts, same size can, same price)  Playing price games with sizes.  Used to be, Bigger was Cheaper.  Giant sized Peanut Butter, king sized cereal boxes,  extra large detergent packages.  Now the mid range is cheaper, lol.

7. People who sit behind you at a  long red light  and honk.   Honk.   Honk.

8. Food police. My food, my choice. And if you take one more of my shrimp I will stab you with my shrimp fork.

9. Folks who hose down their grocery carts with those sanitizing wipes and then travel around the store, steering by their elbows.  Has it never occurred to them that every single can and vegetable in that store has been handled at least five billion times?

10. Parents who leave their kids unattended/unsupervised  in the toy aisle in the store.  Close to the jigsaw puzzles and train sets...

11. "New and improved".  Not  necessarily.  Usually that means we ran out of the stuff we used to use, and had to switch, so we're  pretending this is better.

12. That nice lady in the back row at the movies, who takes the time to explain her recipe for chocolate cake, and then wants to discuss her daughter's new boyfriend, and then retires in a sulk
(known as the "well, really" sulk) when someone asks her to shut up...

13.  One arm rest. Two people.