1. You need to change your password or your account will be terminated
2. This is not the correct password for this account
3. That name has already been taken. Try again (it's my name, dammit, I used it yesterday)
4. Booting up into a black, blank screen.
5. The program has stopped responding. Please contact the program administrator...(we're sorry, the site is down. Please contact us using the following URL... we're sorry, that URL seems to not be working. The site is down, Contact us using the following URL...)
6. Blue screen of death The nice tech support man is in India and learning English one slow word at a time. Most of what he says is accompanied by the sound of turning pages. None of it is intelligible.
7. We have upgraded our site, you need to change your password; (twelve letters and numbers, no two consecutive, with at least one special character. )
8. "You do not have access to this site"
9. We are a virus and we have disabled your virus program, your email, and are holding your little puppy for ransom.
10. You boot up after a long day, ready for whatever is out there, and there is no internet. No lights are flashing. There is no online and the service guy won't be available for two days.
11. All and I do mean all of your passwords have disappeared. Including the ones that let you in.
12. Your bank won't let you in, because you used the incorrect password. They suggest you visit the nearest 'live' bank, which happens to be three hundred miles away.
13. You just got a notice from a collection agency about a product you never heard of, telling you if you don't pay your overdue bill immediately they will be attaching your house, your car, and your first born child. Turns out it's the right name, wrong state.