Saturday, April 29, 2017

Phrases/encouragement I could live without 6WS

1. "oh, of course you  do" when you have just said you don't: "no thank you, I dont care for broccoli,/ asparagus,/ deviled eggs,/ or shoestring potatoes" or whatever you are passing up for whatever reasons you may have.
Usually accompanied by a generous helping being dumped on your plate to emphasize what a fussy eater you are.

2. "you dont need to diet, LOOK at you you're skinny as a rail"  when someone has just said, "I'm on a maintenance diet, lost 137 lbs and I want to keep  it off",  and almost invariably spoken by someone who yes, does need to lose weight  and weight loss, by anyone else, she feels, make her look like Man Mountain Dean.

3. "you really need to exercise a bit more, come ON, slowpoke, lets get some muscle going" when you have just said, "The doctor warned me about too much running, skiing, leap frogging, etc." "it might pull my stitches out" accompanied by a sharp tug on the arm and a forced gallop that you can only break by falling down and forcing them to let go of you.

4. "dont be silly, you'll look just fine in the photo,  just SMILE" when you have just said, I do NOT want my photo taken, tyvm..."  and their disappointment, accompanied  by "well, you probably should have combed your hair a bit"

5. The man who sits behind you at a red light and toots at you to 'go ahead, go ahead' as if you were
able to leap six cars and soar to the front of the line

6. The old gentleman who gives you that automatic 'beepbeep' the instant the light turns green, and if  he is behind you through more than three lights you can understand how road rage got its name...


Saturday, April 22, 2017

flavored water, yum

We go to such lengths to make sure our cats and dogs  have clean fresh water in nice bowls...if a spider lands in it, there are tears and screams.

Right now it's pouring rain. The driveway is a muddy hollow with lovely deep pools of  water-the-car-drives-through.  Toby is out there right now, drinking it dry. Pure, muddy, manna.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Just in under the wire (gasssp gassssp)

muffin top
mutton chop
chop shop
crop top
carrot top
rag top
black top
copper top
flip flop
flat top
Big Top

Census records

These things are a scandal, truly.  Over time I've had a chance to use them, both the 1940 records and much earlier ones.  The people who recorded this stuff could not spell, nor did they much care.  The records are sloppy, hard to read, and inaccurate as all get out.

I just checked out my father-in-law's 1940 census record, and they had him down  in three  different places married to three different women named Doris. Each last name was spelled differently, which made them three different women.  His father's middle name was spelled Carroll, Carral, and Carrall, depending on who was writing it down and who was interpreting it.

In earlier records, which used to be available to the general public,  they have amateurs interpreting the findings, and they have no idea about older names.  One of the names that got my dander up is an old Biblical name, Shuah.  The census takers got it right, but the interpreters insisted it had to be a "p" and so the name became, for all time, Spuah.  oh, please.

I fear for us all when the days of cursive READING have disappeared forever, about ten years after cursive writing has gone.  Those few people who can still figure it out will be considered wizards and brilliant and command great gobs of money, and no one will be able to tell them if they got it wrong or not.


In the 1970 census we happened to be in California at the time but  were still residents of NH.  When the form came in the mail it stated uncategorically that if you were not a resident of the state you were in, do NOT fill out the form.  Cool. We were in the middle of packing to come back anyway.

 A week later a census taker appeared at the door and insisted we MUST do this.  So we did.  When we got back to NH a month after,  there was a census form in the mailbox, and a warning that we must only take the census in our home state.  A census taker arrived soon, and we did the census all over again.  Nearly at gun point.

My mother in law, who valued her privacy deeply where the gummint was concerned, got the nice fat full census and threw it in the fire. Refused to answer all those "personal" questions.  I have never seen a full census, but apparently it's quite extensive. Maybe this next time, eh.

Monday, April 17, 2017

There's a pattern here

Last week I went to the dentist to have three teeth filled. Took about an hour.  No pain, no discomfort, lots and lots of painkiller.  This afternoon I got a call from the dentist's office, a woman with a teeny kindergarten voice, wanting to know if I was okay.
er, yeah...
well, she said, we wanted to make sure you weren't in any discomfort or pain after your procedure. Are you sure you're all right?

yes ma'am I am.

"Oh GOOD.  Have a wonderful day. 'bye."
Last week we got a brochure for a new Senior Living development, the kind of fancy place where you choose the colors,  the placement of applicances, and even the appliances themselves.  I had a friend who lived in a place like that, and I will admit they are truly lovely.  They even give you choices for counter heights.  bathroom fixtures, and (if you ask nicely) crown molding.   The prices for all of this are astonishing.  And scary.

a few months ago we were contacted by a local cleaning agency wanting to know if we would be interested in having someone come in once a week or so and clean house for us. It didn't dawn on me why, until just now.

And more often than not, now when I buy groceries they ask me if I want help putting the stuff in the car...

We are being treated as if we were Elderly.  White haired, fragile, cane-wielding, elderly.  I'm amazed Meals on Wheels hasn't gotten to us.  maybe next week.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Scary things you never want to encounter online (T13)

1.  You need to change your password or your account will be terminated

2.  This is not the correct password for this account

3.  That name has already been taken. Try again (it's my name, dammit, I used it yesterday)

4.  Booting up into a black, blank screen.

5.  The program has stopped responding. Please contact the program administrator...(we're sorry, the site is down. Please contact us using the following URL... we're sorry, that URL seems to not be working.  The site is down, Contact us using the following URL...)

6. Blue screen of death  The nice tech support man is in India and learning English one slow word at a time.  Most of what he says is accompanied by the sound of turning pages.  None of it  is intelligible.

7. We have upgraded our site, you need to change your password; (twelve letters and numbers, no two consecutive, with at least one special character. )

8. "You do not have access to this site"

9. We are a virus and we have disabled your virus program, your email, and are holding your little puppy for ransom.

10. You boot up after a long day, ready for whatever is out there, and there is no internet.  No lights are flashing. There is no online and the service guy won't be available for two days.

11.  All and I do mean all of your passwords have disappeared.  Including the ones that let you in.

12.  Your bank won't let you in, because you used the incorrect password. They suggest you visit the nearest 'live' bank, which happens to be three hundred miles away.

13. You just got a notice from a collection agency about a  product you never heard of, telling you if you don't pay your overdue bill immediately they will be attaching your house, your car, and your first born child. Turns out it's the right name, wrong state.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

It doesnt have to make sense, it just is

Years ago, this little white cat named Albert became friends with all the wildlife around, from woodchucks to porcupines, and there wasn't an animal he didn't think he could be friends with--

until the day he woke at dawn and saw, from the east window, these delightful teeny deer (perspective is all, isn't it) grazing in the field.  He leaped from the bed, ran downstairs, flap went the cat door, and I saw  him walking very very fast across the lawn toward his new future friends.

As  he got closer, they got bigger. Much much bigger.  He slowed a bit, and they suddenly noticed this strange creature racing toward them.  The head doe stared at him as he got closer, and then made that 'hanh' snorty warning sound. He slowed a bit more, and then she stamped at him.  Oops.
He turned without breaking stride into a perfect U-turn and headed back to the house, ears back, now, and not happy.  Flap wemt the cat door, and baaack up the stairs, to sulk on the bed and think about this.

Since then, and that was a good 15 years ago or more, we have not had a cat that could so much as sit on the porch without causing general irritability in grazing deer.

This morning Toby and Charlie were both on the porch, and there were deer (those teeny deer again)  grazing in the same relative area--from a distance of maybe 100 yards or more--neither group had seen the other.  The Charlie stood up and stretched and heads came up.  He walked down the steps, and Toby followed.  There were several snorts and hanhs  and the cats turned and looked, and when they did, all four deer turned and flashed the white tail signal, bounding off into the woods.

My theory is, deer, like most animals, pass along information in some way to other members of the herd, and to their young. "this is good to eat, that will kill ya",  "these are safe places to feed, but not those'.  and apparently, "small unidentified furry creatures with long tails are to be avoided.  We don't know why, but they threaten us."

Thursday, April 6, 2017

ahem: T13

1. peak means a mountain peak or pointy top (as in a hat with a peak):
pique means annoyance
peek means to look, ("i took a quick peek at the first page")

2. 'role model" not "roll model" unless you are built like a muffin
and are looking for work as a bakery item

3. "I don't know, right?"  Or the abbreviated IDK?  what does this MEAN

4.  I saw someone online the other day saying he was going out to get desert.  Amazing the difference when you drop a letter or two.  You  can eat IN the desert (and dessert if you want to) and you can desert your dessert in the desert, but anyone bringing home a desert for a snack needs a really large U-Haul truck.

5. "witnesses arrived to the scene..."   I've begun seeing this more and more, and it makes
me jump every time.  You can go to something,  or arrive at  but you never "arrive to"...  Yet. Unless, in your travels, you "arrive to join the party"

6. mussel is a particularly shaped clam,  muscle is er, a muscle. not the same thing, please.   After reading a very detailed blog about the 'muscles" along the river's edge I just plain lost interest,  sadly. It's a shame when one word can kill an entire blog.  Once is a typo.  Twice is not.

7. a lot means a whole bunch. "alot"  means youre not paying atention. =)

8.  "back in the day".  I have been hearing this for years, by people who are articulate, well read, all kinds of things.  I know what it means, by why is it necessary?

9.  When in  doubt, don't  throw an apostrophe at it.  The possessive "s" is always a mystery, even to me. I have been known to march clean around the barn just to avoid the front door with the Possessive S on it.  But there are time's when you do have to wonder ju's't why anyone doe's this'.    Stop it.

10. If you don't know, look it up. There really is no excuse (and this is where Spell check DOES help) for some words--Caesar is always spelled this way, no matter how much we don't want to believe it. Rogue is not a synonym for Rouge. Trust me.  Nor is Tounge an alternate spelling for anything.

11.  "Always" is never spelled "allways".  All ways is never one word.

12. "alright" is not a word.  "all right" is.

13.  The man who invented Dunkin' Donuts (may he rest in a soggy grave for this) changed forever the way we spell doughnut, in the same way that Stephen King gave credence to 'cemetary" (if he spelled it that way it must be right, right?   Noooo.)

Thursday Thirteen

Saturday, April 1, 2017

And in other news...

this is fun.  Read all the lists, they really went all out with this one

it's april 1st and it's snowing (6ws)


just like 1997

our trusty ash barrel,  a wonderful measuring tool, as long as the wind doesn't blow. Ten inches, plus a bit over.  

this always reminds me of those winddriven photos of Mt. Washington, with the rime ice (otherwise known as horizontal icicles) sticking to the sides of everything...

this is, by the way, a woodpile. it's under there somewhere.