Thursday, August 27, 2015
1. Clothesline is now being packaged and sold
in kit form, with a few clothespins, a small
length of clothesline, and (swallowing bravely)
instructions. I believe it also touts the benefits
of hanging your clothes out in the fresh air
but says nothing about 'restrictions in some areas
2. In our now defunct old style hardware store they
were selling lamp oil in various 'weights', some in
designer packages with pretty colors and scents
to mask but not really hide the scent of kerosene...
I watched as a very nicely dressed lady debated
the benefits of each, and then chose the micro-
processed variety which clearly stated that it should
not be used in ceramic lamps, as it could bleed
through the pottery. "It's safer", she said, firmly,
"than kerosene. Less flammable."
3. City street detours that must have been designed by
werewolves and malcontents--I was in one of these
Moebius strip detours a few weeks ago, and realized
the Detour sign was at the far end of a one way street
and the street itself was closed to traffic...
4. Two older people were in the dairy section of
the supermarket, debating the wisdom of buying yogurt
that was on the last "sell by' day. "We'll never be
able to eat all that yogurt by tomorrow" the wife said,
the husband agreed, and they put it back on the shelf.
5. People in other, more geographically organized states
who give bizarre directions to lost drivers: 'well you go
north for ten blocks and thenturn east at the first light
after that, and then south. You can't miss it." Watch me.
First question, 'which way is north?"
6. You ask directions to a particular highway/street/etc. and
the clerk says, "see where that red truck is turning up there?
You turn there and you'll be all set." yep.
7. On back roads with not a lot of wiggle room, you expect
the road crews to start (and most of them do) around 8 or 9
in the morning, after the school buses and commuters
have had their turn. Now and then an over eager roadcrew
already has their gear firmly planted in the center of the
road by 7 AM, and its obvious they have been there since
8. If you buy a loaf of fresh bread in the supermarket
and eat only half the loaf on that day, do you finish off
the loaf the next day, or do you toss it and buy another?
Isn't it now day-old bread?
9. One-a-Day multivitamins now come in Men's and Women's
bottles, the women's vitamins in pink and the men's in a
manly blue. I thought there might be a difference in what's
in 'em, but the labels are identical.
10. People who think nothing about driving past parked cars
on a crowded city street, but a car parked well off the highway,
clearly unoccupied, causes people to shy like nervous horses,
pulling way out to drive around the vehicle, often scaring
the bejebus out of oncoming traffic...
11. I can never decide if "Road Work 1 Mile" means one mile ahead
or one miles' worth of it.
12. "Closed to through traffic" seems plain enough, but don't you
wonder how many people pretend they're really just going down the
street, because this is where I LIVE, mister... and sneak out the
13. You are hopelessly lost. You aren't even sure what town you're in
at this stage, so you stop at a convenience store. "What town am I in?"
you ask, opening your map so you can backtrack.... There's a pause.
The girl behind the counter says, "I don't know." She calls over to another
clerk and says, "What town are we in?" and neither of them has the
Posted by mittens at 7:33 AM