Tuesday, March 11, 2014

possibly a pantoum (experimental model)



No Moon Ever

You were wrong about the dark,  you know;
and about magic. You said there was no magic
in darkness, no sunset ever held you
in thrall, no moon inspired you to dream

about magic. you said there was no magic
only meaningless dreams.
In thrall, no moon ever inspired you to dream--
but then you never have danced under the stars

dreaming meaningless dreams
on damp grass, with dark eyes watching  you,
never have danced under the stars:
you were wrong about passion as well

you were wrong about the dark, you know,
no moon ever inspired you to dream
in darkness, no sunset ever held you.
you were wrong about passion as well

4 comments:

  1. Mitttens, What is a pantoum?

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  2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantoum

    it's easier to read about it here (under the "structure" heading) than it is to explain it. Its a fairly complex poetic form, at least for me, and Im really not sure if I got it exactly.

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  3. I can't comment on this as a pantoum, JT, because I'll hafta go look it up to re-familiarize myself with the form, but it sure does feel pantoumish, as best as I recall.
    Pantoum or not, I wish I'd written it. I'm slumppy at the moment; might have to move into a cave for a while to help me concentrate. I'll bring my new drum, though, to help me focus & meditate.
    Salute!

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  4. that link up there is about the clearest and easiest description i ve seen, Ron. Its a great way to jiggle a poem around, too, if you like it but not much. sometimes this can make it move a bit better, or just give you new ideas on where to go with it.

    The cave will be all the better for the drum and the drummer. I bet that would sound amazing with those kinds of acoustics, lol. Did you really get it??? is it here???

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