Thursday, November 12, 2009

complaint department

My penultimate iron leaked heat, even turned off, if it was plugged in. Eventually I dumped it, and got a nice new Black and Decker. True, it doesnt leak heat, but if you use the spray it squirts water straight across the ironing board onto the cat, the floor, or your good sideboard. If you want to use the steam feature it will pee on your clothes as it steams them.
It has no "linen' setting, and no 'cotton' setting. Apparently folks at B&D are afraid someone might burn themselves. It's an IRON, people. The box is covered with warnings about it, including, 'do not submerge in water" and "iron is hot when turned on". (good to know these things).

Also on the box, I found out, is a small nearly invisible sticker, that says, "discontinued model". No wonder it was only $13, marked down from lord alone knows how much.

My hair dryer is so loud it could cause deafness, and barely functions as a heat delivering item. "do not use while sleeping', the instructions caution. "do not immerse". who ARE these people, that regularly give their electrical appliance baths?

The toaster we now have is so slow (one of those heat sensor things) that you can make coffee and be working on a second cup by the time the toast hurls itself out of the toaster. The highest setting barely browns a muffin. "Product will be hot when turned on (well, arent we all)." "Do not allow children to operate this item" and "do not immerse in water". (my mother's old toaster would give you a seriously browned piece of toast, and if you were fool hardy enough to try for the high setting you could make charcoal briquettes. and it had the most wonderful tick-tick-tick that let you time your trip around the kitchen; the closer it got to Toast Time the faster the tick. She gave it to me, finally, and I got about three years out of it before the Tick turned to Smoke. ) Newer toasters just let you wonder how done they are, and just as you lean over the toaster to see, up it pops, scaring the hell out of you and any cat in the area.

My new curling iron, when I plug it in, flips the breaker switch on the bathroom plug. "do not immerse in water". "do not use while sleeping, or while in the tub". Or possibly during nap time IN the tub...


  1. I hear ya. We have a BB gun (a Christmas present from last year). Inscribed on the barrel is the admonition, "Misuse may cause severe injury, especially to the eye."

    Is there one among us who does not know that if you get a BB gun for Christmas, you'll shoot your eye out? Especially if it's a Red Ryder 600 shot air rifle with carbine action?

    I would say that your iron watering the cat is a Feature, not a bug.

  2. however, shooting out the eye does not specify which eye. Or even if it's yours. It always seemed that in order to put your own eye out with one of these things you needed very very long arms (the old suicide by shotgun version) or a really angry younger brother with excellent aim.

    The cat thought a lot less of this feature than anyone else, and refuses to show himself anytime the ironing board is opened. unless it has a cup of coffee on it and a wobble, perfect for jumping on from long long distances.

  3. All the more reason to use the Feline Avoidance Training Feature.

    Heh, if my cat did that the ironing board would break -- he's 25 pounds of bad attitude wrapped in a cloud of shedding gray fur. We lack that problem because although the cat has mastered sarcasm, he hasn't figured out how to use the irony board.

  4. my downstairs cat Cuffy is ironic enough for all of us; one of his favorite events is the high leap from this tiny platform to that tiny platform way way over there. Most of the time he makes it.

  5. And occasionally, and I presume memorable, he don't.

    (off topic speaking of addictive games, ever try The Battle For Wesnoth? GNU topdown fantasy RPG)

  6. never heard of it, but I have put a shortcut on the desktop, for when I run out of steam on my latest rpg. I find these days I can only deal with one of these at a time, otherwise Im glued to this thing while the potatoes cook black and the cats start complaining about their empty food dishes.

    But when this one palls, I'll check it out. Oh, stay away from Evony. It looks good, and it plays pretty well, but it's a money trap. You can play for free, but they'd rather you didnt. Lot of china-produced games these days, flooding the market. Interesting.

  7. I played Evony for about a month, until I figured out it was just a scheme to separate the fool froom his money. I love the sheer brazenness of their ad campaign, though. At one point the ad was just the word "Evony" plastered actoss a pair of scantily clad breasts. On the Faq page they actually said, "We know it has nothing to do with gameplay, but sex sells, you signed up, didn't you?" A little less grammatical due to the All Yuor Bases Are Belonging factor...

    Being the fool in the flesh... best for me to steer clear. Tried Runescape for a week or so, but then just got too busy -- probably a blessing.

  8. well the one im in now is nearly identical to Evony, but much more interesting in that the scope for play is extended beyond ten levels, all the way up to 70. Its still player beware, and I will not spend real money for fake diamonds, oh please. It's also a lot easier to walk away from, too. But I have a feeling that we're going to be seeing a LOT of these 'free' games now, almost all of them from China. Great graphics, but the hand is always out for money.

    Having seen WoW and played it, almost every game out there, visually, palls. I looked at Runescape but the graphics fell flat after seeing Wow.

    I left mostly because I had gone as far as I felt I could go, and things had gotten so complex with quests within quests and armor and leveling up, I was beginning to get out of my depth. So I left. I do miss it though.

  9. I'm satisfying my need for complexity with algebra. Brrrrr. Eeeeep.